Story: Shursomething and My Big Mouth

So, I wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of just randomly leaving the kingdom because father suddenly decided to exile my brother, but like usual, I didn’t get a say in that decision.  I didn’t usually care what Rama chose to do, but this was a little much.  Fourteen years spent as hermits in the freaking jungle! I mean, who gladly chooses to do that just because their father tells them to?!

Anyway, it had been a rather uneventful few years, with only some minor episodes.  I mean, Sita did get kidnapped by a rakshasa, but we got her back in one piece.  We had also met a couple of other hermits over the years.  I’m thinking we could start a club or something.  Meet up every few years, trade stories.  It would be good fun, for a hermit.  We could call ourselves Hermits United.  Rama and Sita think it’s a stupid idea, but what else are we supposed to do until Rama’s exile is over.  He keeps saying we didn’t have to come with him, but he probably wouldn’t survive fourteen years on his own.  His stupid self-righteousness would get in the way.

Today was going rather like usual.  Gather some food, collect some water, and trim the hedges, whatever.  Sita was in the hut cleaning.  She does that a lot, although since there’s a dirt floor it is rather dirty, but it’s not like the cleaning will last very long.  I did hear Rama talking to someone a little while ago.  I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Sita, so maybe that insanity gene is finally kicking in.  He gets it from his mother, I’m pretty sure.  Thankfully we have different mothers, so I should be good. Rama likes to tell me I’m already insane, but I think I would know if I was crazy…

“Are you Lakshmana?” a voice suddenly broke into my daydreaming.

“Uh, yeah.  Who are you? Are you another hermit? Do you want to join my hermit club? We’re going to call ourselves the Hermits United.  We’re only going to meet up every few years, so it won’t interrupt your hermitting duties.” I was rambling, but I really got excited when we met knew people.  Spending every day with your brother and his wife who were deeply in love got old real quick in this stupid jungle. 

“Your brother said that you are in need of a consort.  I am Shurpanakha, sister of Ravana.  I command a great empire and demand that you stand by my side and rule over it with me,” the woman said as she stepped out of the jungle.  I’ll admit, she wasn’t hard on the eyes, but I wasn’t exactly one for an arranged marriage.  And definitely not to this crazy rakshasa chick.

“Uh, thanks for the offer, but really, I’m good.  Rama was probably just joking around, and I’m not exactly interested, no offence.” There, that sounded like a nice and polite way to let the crazy lady down.

“You dare deny the sister of Ravana?! I shall devour you and that ugly female before taking Rama for my own! He shall stand by my side and rule my empire with a fist of iron!” Vishnu, this chick was cray-cray.  And, considering our family, that was really saying something.  And Rama thought it would be a good idea to send this chick my way?! Considering my stellar track record with the ladies and breakups?!

“Okay, little Lakshmana here is just going to go and get Rama and you two can talk this out…” Okay, now she’s just screeching.  Man, that noise is really hard on the ears. 

Of course, Sita, with her every perfect timing, chose that moment to walk up and ask what I wanted for dinner.  The crazy woman, Shursomething, immediately leapt at her, presumably to eat her, at least that’s what she had said earlier.  Rama, who had walked up behind Sita, threw Shur… really what was her name? Anyway, he threw her back and I, in my infinite wisdom and with my amazing sword skills, sliced off her nose and ears.  I know, not exactly the most gentlemanly thing to do, but what can I say.  I’m a hit with the ladies. 

That started the shrieking and wailing again.  Really, I mean I know I just cut off her nose and ears, but did she have to be so loud and annoying? Vishnu, I miss the city.  Anyway, she went running off into the jungle, screaming up a storm.  Hopefully that would be the last we saw of the crazy chick, but I doubted it.  Not with Rama’s luck.  I mean really, how much trouble can one guy get into?!

Author’s Note:

I chose to rewrite to parts of the Ramayana: Shurpanakha andRama and Lakshmana and Shurpanakha. This is the part of the Ramayana in which we meet the sister of Ravana who has suddenly fallen in love with Rama.  She tries to get Rama to marry her, but he just passes her off to Lakshmana, who inevitably offends her.  One of the stories mentioned that Lakshmana liked to talk dirty during fights, so I thought it would be fun to incorporate that into his general personality.  Every self-righteous man needs a crazy sibling to keep them in check right?

I got the idea from a series of books that I have read, in which the older brother is always trying to fight other people’s battles.  The younger brother doesn’t necessarily believe in the fight, but he’s always at his brother’s back.  However, he never lets anything pass without some snarky, sarcastic, or just plain rude remark. 

Image Info: Rama, Sita, and Lakshmana in exile. Source: Wikipedia.

Bibliography: Indian Myth and Legend by Donald Mackenzie (1913). PDE Ramayana.

                        Ramayana, the Epic Rama, Prince of India by Romesh Dutt (1899). PDE Ramayana.